They depend on me...

Every night at 1am and 3am, I have one wish which will never come true: I wish men could breastfeed... (Translate: i wish my husband could breastfeed...) Whenever Sophia starts crying Ely would call me, "mama! I think baby needs to breastfeed!" Yes. Yes. I know she does...all the time... As I nurse Sophia, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that we, women, feed our offsprings. The survival of our species heavily depends on us. I look at Sophia, who almost doubled her birth weight in two months, and I am amazed by this very primitive (yet important) function of my body: feeding our babies. For us humans, feeding our offspring does not stop when our children stop nursing. The end of nursing is just one milestone. Parents are responsible for feeding our children for a very long time. In my family, the primary person to feed the family is, of course, mama (= me). I was looking at Ely's baby pictures, and came across a lot of pictures of homemade baby food and toddler food. Although I highly recommend to make your own baby food, I know it is not for everyone. It takes time and effort. Ely is now old enough to eat the same meals as ours, and her health continues to depend on me. The other day, a terrible thought came to my mind...what if something happens to me... Who is going to feed them? At the dinner table, I told my husband, "I have one wish. Can you promise me that the girls will continue to eat good home cooked meals if something ever happens to me?", "please do not feed them frozen and boxed food." Of course, my husband did not take me seriously, and said, "nothing will happen to you." I am not expecting  anything to happen to me. I was talking about the "what if" situation, and yes, I am serious. My husband knows how to cook. He makes good pasta with tomato sauce, and super juice, and some sandwiches, but he cannot raise our girls feeding on only those foods day after day. I told him that it would be nice if he can expand his cooking repertoire, and he agreed. He hasn't quite entered the kitchen to do so yet, but I am hoping in the near future we will have a cooking date in our kitchen.

Tequila Cilantro Pasta

This recipe was adopted from a recipe I received from my friend Lisa. The original recipe is called "Tequila Chicken Fettuccine". I make this without chicken and replace chicken broth with vegetable base broth.

INGREDIENTS:

1 pound dry spinach fettuccine

OR

2 pounds fresh spinach fettuccine

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro reserved for garnish

2 tablespoons minced fresh garlic

2 tablespoons minced jalapeno pepper (seeds and veins may be removed) - I usually omit this because it becomes quite spicy for my daughter.

3 tablespoons unsalted butter (reserve 1 tablespoon for saute )

1/2 cup chicken stock (preferably homemade) - I replaced this with veggie base broth using Rapunzel vegetable broth cube. 

2 tablespoons gold tequila

2 tablespoons freshly-squeezed lime juice or lemon juice if you don't have lime 

3 tablespoons soy sauce

1/4 medium red onion, thinly sliced

1 medium red bell pepper, thinly sliced

1 medium yellow bell pepper thinly sliced

1 1/2 cup heavy cream

DIRECTIONS:

Cook 1/3 cup cilantro, garlic and jalapeno in 2 tablespoons butter over medium heat for 4 to 5 minutes. Add stock, tequila and lime juice. Bring the mixture to a boil and cook until reduced to a paste like consistency. This will take a while. Do not rush this step. You need to be patient. You also need to be attentive to the pot so that it will not burn. 

This is how it should look. 

Meanwhile cook onion and peppers, stirring occasionally, with remaining butter over medium heat. When the vegetables have wilted (become limp), add soy sauce and quickly toss and add reserved tequila/lime paste and cream. Bring the sauce to boil and reduce the heat to simmer, stirring occasionally. You don't want to continue boiling it as the cream starts to separate. Taste it and add salt and pepper if you like. Turn off the heat. 

Prepare rapidly boiling, salted water to cook pasta; cook pasta accoding to the direction. When sauce is done, toss with well-drained spinach fettuccine and reserved cilantro and parmigiana cheese. I this picture, I used spinach spaghetti. 

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Feeling grateful...

Where did the time go? It has been more than two months since I visited this space. What has been happening at our Makery? Not much in the kitchen or sewing department, but super busy welcoming and loving our new addition to our lives... Baby Sophia!! There has been a lot of challenges with her birth, my post partum, and everyone's adjustment, but I am happy to report that we are finally settling down. And "making" is slowly coming back to our lives...MY life. 

Today's post is not about making or cooking. It is dedicated to the amazing women I recently met, and the importance of a support system and community. 

6 years ago, I left Chicago where I consider it my second hometown to start a new life with my husband in Orange County. For the longest time, I had blamed him for uprooting me from my friends and family. Although I met a few very good friends in Orange County, I never felt that I had a community or good support system outside of my workplace. I often felt lonely and sad. All I had was my husband and later my daughter. But had it not be those few good friends I met though work, I would have been depressed or worse, and I am grateful for the friendship. When we decided to move to the Bakersfield area, I again had to make new friends and community. I am a friendly person, but I am more of an introvert and not the one to go up to someone and introduce myself. In fact, I met my very first friend because my husband took our three years old to a story time, and he started talking to her. Now, we became very good friends and our daughters became good friends.

She introduced me to a group of mamas in Bakersfield who regularly meet with their children to play and chitchat. But this group has become much more than a play date group for me. When Sophia was born two months ago, I had such a hard time trying to recover from giving birth, nursing, taking care of our three years old, and taking care of the household. My own family not being here, I had little support. My husband helped as much as he could but taking care of a three year old can be difficult. I was exhausted, depressed, cried a lot, and felt guilty that I was not doing enough for my girls. I became short with my three years old, raised my voice at her quite often, and cried later on because she did not deserve for me to be like that with her. Then, these mamas did something amazing for me. They got together and delivered meals for one full week! Each of them took turn, prepared the meal for me and my family, and delivered to our door. By the time they started the meal delivery, I was so exhausted, i was serving my family cans of soup for dinner. That is a warning sign for my physical and mental well being. One of my supervisors once asked me how I would know if I am deteriorating mentally. I couldn't think of anything because I often do not realize When I am tired or overworked until I explode (often toward my husband). Now I know. If I stop cooking and a can of soup is becoming my family dinner, watch out! So, these deliveries were a gift from the universe. Most of these amazing women did not even know me well yet. All they knew was that there was an overwhelmed mama (me) who did not have much support and needed help. All of the women are mamas of small children, which means their hands are already full. Yet, they did this for me and my family. 

Since then, I came to know these women better, and learned that many of them moved away from their family and community. Trying to build their own support system, they found each other. We meet a few times every week, let our children play together, and we talk about different things. I feel comfortable and supported. I am truly grateful for their friendship. I am still physically tired from nursing and running after My three years old, but I am emotionally more stable and mentally clearer. Thank you, ladies. Now it is time to cook!

Comforting Breakfast: Nutella Strawberries Crepe

Finally! I am on maternity leave, 36 weeks now and at home. I had a busy week with Ely and doctor's appointment etc. And I have been riding an emotinal rollercoaster. On Wednesday, I found out that baby Sophia is breech. I cried, blamed my husband (for him not being more supportive or stressing me out or whatever the reason I could find... heck for his hairy chest if that works!) Today is Sunday and I am calmer and more grounded. Of course I called my mother and she did the magic again. She is such Buddhist with her attitude of whatever happens, happens, you just have to face and accept it. She helped me ground myself and remind myself what is most important. My mother is so powerful. And I wonder if I will ever be so powerful and grounding to my daughters as my mother is to me. I look at my daughter and feeling the baby inside of me, I wonder how they will see me in 20 years. Will I be their comfort? Will they call me when they face life's difficulty? Will I be able to comfort them as my mother does me? I hope I will.

So this week, what I needed was a very comforting breakfast. Flour, eggs, chocolate spread and strawberries do it for me.

Nutella strawberry crepe:

1 cup of flour
1 & 1/4 cup of milk
1 egg
1/4 tsp salt
Oil for the pan

Nutella
Strawberries



Mix all the ingredients except oil with a whisk or in a blender until smooth.

Heat nonstick pan, skillet or crepe pan (if you have one).

When the pan is heated, brush oil all over.

The pan needs to be pretty hot.

Pour about 1/4 cup batter and tilt the pan so that the batter covers the bottom of the pan (evenly if you can),

Cook on one side for 30 seconds or so on low to medium heat, and turn over and cook the other side for another 10 seconds or so.

Put the crepe on a plate, spread Nutella and add cut up strawberries, and fold. You can certainly use different filling, bananas, blueberries, whipped cream, etc.

It's spring time!

One of the great things about living in California is we get to feel the spring a bit earlier than many of the states in this country. That comes with abundance of fresh produce available. This weekend, Ely and I (and my big belly), went to a farmers market that we have not been for a long time. We are indeed lucky to have three (!) year-around farmers market in town. Two of them are managed and cared by the same manager and farmers/venders. And the other one is run by different farmers. I honestly love both of them, and we have friend at both markets. We have been going to the one closer to our house during the winter, but I received an e-newsletter about what is happening at the other market early last week, so we had to go check it out. Wow! What an abundance of fresh produce!! We caught up with farmer friends and bought a lot of greens, strawberries, eggs, and potatoes. There was also a new vender, a dairy farm/creamery! I have been looking for a local dairy for a while since we moved here, and I was very excited to see them at the farmers market. They are still about 90 miles away from our house, but they sell their milk in glass bottles, and has variety; whole milk, skim milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, and root beer milk. They also sell ice cream. We bought one 1/2 gallon whole milk, and 1/4 gallon chocolate milk.

The reason why I was looking for a local dairy was because I want to make homemade yogurt, cheese, and ice cream. For cheese, I needed to find pasteurized (not ultra-pasteurized) or raw milk. Many of the milk at a store are ultra-pasteurized in order to prolong their shelf life. But this one I bought today, is pasteurized. I am a bit nervous and has not had the courage to make cheese at home, yet. But I did make ice cream. I am lucky enough to have an ice cream maker, which makes ice cream making so much easier. I just followed the recipe came with the instruction booklet. But there is no comparison in taste and quality. Homemade ice cream not only allows you to know exactly what goes on into your ice cream, but also tastes much much better and creamy. The recipe does call for heavy whipping cream, which I had to buy at a store. But I am going to make frozen yogurt next time with homemade yogurt. I also made Lavender Lemon Sorbet adopted from the recipe for Lemon Basil Sorbet from the same booklet.

Simple vanilla and chocolate chip ice cream adopted from Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker instruction booklet.

1 cup whole milk
3/4 cup granulated sugar
Pinch of salt
2 cups heavy cream
1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup chocolate chip

In a mixing bowl combine whole milk and sugar. Whisk it until sugar is dissolved into milk. Add heavy cream and vanilla. You can cover it and put it in the refrigerator for a few hours to over night. I did not do this because I could not wait!

Turn on the ice cream maker, pour the mixture into the frozen bowl and let it mix until thickened. After about 15-20 minutes, add chocolate chips and run it for a few minutes. If it is too soft, put it in the freezer for a few hours before serving.

Business of giving birth...

Yesterday, I went to my 32 week check-up at my OB/GYN office. The Nurse Practitioner did all the measurements and checked the baby’s heartbeat. Everything is good. Then, she told me that it would be a good idea to go ahead and register at the hospital. I gave her a confusing expression because my OB/GYN office is in the hospital and I have been here for the past 7 months, but since my doctor/nurse is telling me to do so, it must be important, right? So, I walked to the main building and told the admission that I have to register to give birth. The person gave me several documents to go over, and an application to fill out. The documents explained when and which number to call, where to enter the hospital when I am ready to give birth, who is allowed to accompany me.. etc. The last document caught my attention. It was about “financial policy”. The paper first congratulates us for the baby, and thanks us for choosing their hospital. They hope that the time we will spend at the hospital is pleasurable and enjoyable. Then it says, “enormity of cost” for health care, and the hospital hopes to work with us and make it manageable. First of all, they will not charge extra for BILLING SERVICES. Second, all deductibles and co-payments are due one month prior to the birth date. Third, if you do not have insurance, you are expected to pay everything prior to the birth date, and that they will provide payment plans. And lastly, here is the cost of giving birth at this hospital if you do not have any insurance.

                Normal Vaginal Birth (discharged within 24 hours) $12,000 – $15,000

                Normal Vaginal Birth (discharged between 24 hours and 48 hours) $15,000 – $18,000

                C-Section (3 days of hospital stay)

                Infant Screening ($8,000 - $10,000)

WHAT?

I have been paying a little over $300 every month for the last 6 months at the OB/GYN office, so I asked the admission person if this cost is included in the payment plan I set up at the OB/GYN office. She said, “Oh, no. That is different. This is for the hospital”. But, my OB/GYN is in the north wing of this hospital… She said that this is solely for the time I will stay giving birth, and not for the cost of “medical care” provided by the doctor. She smiled and said to me, “but this is what it would cost if you don’t have insurance. We will run your insurance and let you know how much it will cost you, if any”.

I left the admission office dumb founded. When I arrived home, the first thing I told my husband was, “I am so disgusted by this whole thing”, and started explaining the “business of giving birth”.

So basically, in order for a woman or a family to have a baby at the hospital with prenatal care, which the government and medical professionals recommend, would cost at least $25,000, if you do not have any insurance. It would be more because I have a PPO insurance and still I have to pay $300 monthly for my deductible. This is to have normal and natural birth. Women have been giving birth all over the world, and we have been doing so for hundreds of years. Pregnancy is not an illness or disease, it is a natural thing. It is what we, human beings, do for procreation and survival of our specie. In any religion or cultural belief, procreation is one of the most important things we do. Still, in this country, it would cost almost or more than our annual earning.

When I had my first baby, I had different insurance where the monthly premium was much higher, but I did not have to pay anything when I gave birth at their hospital. No hospital cost, no infant care cost, nothing. I am sure the cost was as high as the one this time, but I just did not see it because it was set it up like that, and of course if I do not see it, I did not think it existed. I had a natural birth. Meaning that I did not have any “medical procedure”. I had a Nurse Practitioner midwife, a nurse, a doula and my husband attending the birth. No Pitocin or Epidural. And my birth was perfect and my baby was/is healthy.

Now that I am at 8 months pregnant, I am faced by this disgusting reality of the “business of giving birth” and feeling dumb founded. I remember when I went to my first prenatal appointment in October, before even seeing anyone, they sent me to their financial department. The financial advisor ran my insurance and printed out the cost of prenatal care. It was even before they told me “congratulations!”. I had to sign the payment contract to be seen by the doctor. I should have known… I should have talked to other people. I am beating myself up now because I wanted a homebirth, which would cost us about $3000, approximately the same amount of money we would pay at the hospital. But at that time, we did not know the cost of “hospital care” that just emerged (to us, anyways) yesterday, we thought it would be $1900, which is much less than $3000. So partly, for financial reasons, we decided to give birth at the hospital, but it is too late. We do not have another $3000 for homebirth and I am already 8 months pregnant.

Birthing is something we, women, naturally do. Of course, I am aware of the possible complications that requires medical attention. I am grateful for it to be available. I know a few close friends who needed that medical attention, and their children are perfect, but aside from that, I strongly believe that women KNOW HOW TO GIVE BIRTH. Birthing should not be medicalized and not be treated as business.

I just hope that our experience at the hospital in two months will be “pleasurable” and “enjoyable”.

Dilemma of a step-parent

I have a confession to make. Even though I am a big advocate for local fresh food and homemade family meals, if you look into my freezer, you will see... (Gasp!) hot pockets and burritos you can pop them in a microwave, and in the pantry, you will see a box of Honey Bunches of Oats, and canned ravioli. No, they are not our "emergency food". They are for my step-daughter when she come over on weekends. Yes, I am guilty of feeding my 13 year old step daughter something that I would not give to my 3 year old. But you see, you need to understand that I came into her life when she was already 7, and she comes over only every other weekend. She has her home with their own rules and culture and who am I to change or even question them? But I do feel guilty and feel as if I am neglecting my step-daughter when I allow her to pop one of the frozen foods in the microwave for her lunch while I am making black bean quesadilla with mango salsa for my daughter. I do like to assure you that she does not mind, actually, she would rather eat those than what I normally cook. In the beginning, I tried to cook "kids friendly meals" such as spaghetti with meatballs, Mac and cheese (with mixed vegetables), chicken noodle soup, etc. and green smoothies my husband asks her to try...but she would not eat it. All she would eat was beans and rice with chips, pizza, french toast, waffle, or plain hamburgers (no ketchup, no veggies). We did not have another child then, so that was all we fed her with. I would cook "adult meals" for us, and she would eat pizza. When we had Ely, I was nervous how our family meals would be. Over the years my step- daughter started to eat some meals we prepare, including pasta with homemade tomato sauce, salmon with rice, fried fish, spinach ravioli from Costco (without sauce for her, with sauce for us). But still no veggies of much kind. We do take her to farmers market every weekend that she is with us, and I ask her to help me cook sometimes. We always ask her if she wants to eat salad, or broccoli, or creamed spinach, or whatever I am cooking. The answer is 99% of time, "no, thank you". And I also have to point out that she is not doing this out of defiance at all. If I may say as her step-mother, she is one of the most respectful and caring teenagers I have ever seen. And I work with adolescents and so does my husband.

We do, however, have family dinner when she comes over. I just have to make sure I prepare things that she would eat. Or, I would make sure that if she eats cheese or pepperoni pizza, I make veggie pizza for us and our three years old, or if she eats frozen burrito, I make black beans burrito for our three years old. If we have spaghetti, I have a big bowl of salad for whoever wants it.

So, you see, my friends, I do understand your frustration when your child or you partner would not eat healthy as yo would like to. I do understand how you want to say, "forget it, I am not gonna try to change them" and also feeling, "I am worried about their health in the future..." I am reminding myself that even for her to eat our pasta with homemade tomato sauce (I am taking about using 10-15 tomatoes) is a big progress. In fact, we kind of make sure that we have it for one dinner while she is with us.

We are truly hoping that as she grows older, going to college, to the world, and be exposed to different cultures, she would not feel so eerie about food that she will encounter. And somehow with maturity she will one day try new things...

Just hoping we are planting a little seed of curiosity...

Monday mornings...

I love my (our) Mondays. There is no story time at the library or farmers market to go to on Mondays. I do not have to get us ready to leave for daycare or work. When I first reduced my work days to 4 days per week, I used to take my daughter to her day care so that I could have my own time, mostly doing housework, running errands and bit of watching TV. But then I started to keep her with me at home a few months ago. While I still have to do house work and run errands, we also go to parks, play in backyard, and visit friends. Maybe I am preparing for ourselves to stay home when the new baby arrives in 2 months. The more I stay at home, the more I want to stay home after my maternity leave. I know this is a very luxurious idea/decision for many of us. Certainly for me, who went back to work only after 7 weeks of giving birth to my daughter. I needed to. We needed to because my husband was in school. This time around things are a little different and there is an opportunity to stay home with our children. Besides, in order for me to go back to work, it will cost nearly $1500 for daycare for two and gas money to go to work. But financial issue put aside, I really enjoy doing things with my daughter, including cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. She is at the age where she wants to do everything I do. And I let her most of the time, closely supervising for her safety of course. And she always surprises me for what she can do. She is into cracking eggs and folding towels now. If anyone asks her how she learnt to fold the towels so well, she would tell you, "at a folding factory"...

Monday morning breakfast... Dutch Baby Pancake

Ingredients:

For 2 servings

2 table spoon unsealed butter
4 large eggs or 3 jumbo eggs
1/2 cup in bleached all-purpose flour
1/2 whole milk
1/4 tsp salt
For topping: maple syrup, powdered sugar, honey etc.

Cooking Instructions

Preheat oven to 425 F
Melt butter in cast-iron skillet on low heat. You can use oven safe cake on or pie plate put in the preheated oven for a few minutes to melt the butter. Do not use microwave to do this. As butter melts, make sure all the bottom and sides are coated with butter.
While butter melts, mix together eggs, flour, milk and salt until well blended. I just used a whisk but you can use electric mixer or blender. Just make sure there is no lump in the mix.
Pour the egg mixture into the warmed and buttered skillet or oven safe dish. Place it in the oven and bake for 15-20 mins. Don't get alarms when the mixture "blows up". It is ready when the center is set and the edges are golden brown.
Dress it with topping of your choice.
Happy eating!
CopiedImage.png topping: maple syrup, powdered sugar, honey etc.